Growing your confidence is actually incredibly simple. However, most people don’t believe it. So, they go out searching for the complicated process they feel they need in order to become their best self. Or, they don’t realize that there is a simple way to build confidence at all. So instead, they throw money at trying all these different strategies and tactics to help them become a better leader or gain more knowledge in other areas, thinking that once they “know” more, they will be more confident.
Yes, having the right processes in place can help you to gain confidence because you can trust in the process. But there’s still something missing when you only stick with this strategy. It doesn’t help you address your personal confidence. And I believe that’s the key.
How I learned about a simple habit that changed my confidence forever
Back in 2017, Darren Fisher (SPEARity CEO) hired me as a freelance writer to help with a project that he was working on. It was called “7 Days to Building Leadership Confidence”. Interestingly enough, this is where my journey to building confidence began.
Before hiring me, Darren wanted to jump on a call to hash out the details of the project. I almost decided to pass on the project because I desperately did NOT want to have a phone call. I had a lack of confidence. It constantly showed up in fear of interacting with people (outside of family and friends) on the phone. It was to the point that I never ordered pizza. I made my husband do it for me.
Now, I’d worked in jobs where I needed to engage with customers on the phone before. But there were always set questions and answers and I was pretty well trained for the job. I had “process confidence” for those calls. But when left to my own conversations, I had nothing. So, I always engaged with my clients at that time through email. Which worked… up until Darren wanted to chat.
But I mustered up all the courage I could and scheduled the call. That was the start of so much growth in my confidence.
SPEARity taught me a key concept for building confidence
Through one of our initial conversations, Darren shared with me one of the concepts that he teaches all of his coaching clients. It’s something that is built right into the SPEAR process. It’s the principle of recording your successes every day.
He encouraged me to write down three successes on a daily basis. And I’ll be honest, if that’s where the message stopped, I don’t think it would have transformed my life. But Darren explained to me that these “successes” didn’t need to be big-life changing accomplishments. They could be simple everyday things that I was already doing.
I believe that’s where the power of this practice is held.
If he had told me that I had to do and track 3 large accomplishments each day, I never would have stuck with it. It would have felt impossible because I already felt like I was failing in so many areas of my life. Trying to tack on something else would just be one more thing I failed to do. Can you relate to that feeling of being overwhelmed and thinking that you’re disappointing yourself and those around you?
Darren gave me the example of making dinner for my family. It was easy for me to feel like a failure because as a busy mom trying to raise three little ones, while also working from home, I wasn’t whipping up Pinterest worthy dinners every night. Darren assured me that picking up McDonald’s or ordering Pizza was a success. I made sure that my family had something to eat and didn’t go to bed hungry. I successfully fed my family.
I’ll admit that I was doubtful at first. But he assured me that it was a success because it’s something that not everyone actually does. He explained that we have these things in our heads that we think everyone is already doing. So we don’t look at them as successes, they just are things that we do. But in reality, not everyone is doing them.
Not everyone pays their bills. Not everyone gets up and goes to work each day. Or holds the door open for the person behind them. Or makes their bed in the morning. Do you see where I’m going? There are a million little things that we do all the time that we just do because that’s what we do. Darren taught me that these things could be viewed as successes. It’s something good that you succeeded in doing.
So, I took Darren up on the challenge and I started recording three successes each day. Last week, I came across my journal entry where I started writing these down. (I’ve since transitioned to using the SPEARity app).
Some of the things on my list were small things like exercising in the morning or not drinking Coke during the day. (I wasn’t a coffee fan at the time, but Coke had been getting me through some of those early mom days with little ones). Other things on the list were a huge for me. These included five different phone calls with either clients or the individual contractors I needed to talk to when selling my house (home appraiser, well & septic company). This was a big deal for me.
Reflecting back on this list helped me see how far I have come in the 3.5 years since discovering the SPEAR process. Not only are phone calls no big deal now, but Zoom meetings were my reality long before the pandemic hit. I’ve had growth in my personal life and my businesses. These days, I’m able to add some bigger accomplishments to my list of daily successes. And there are still plenty of small ones that make it on the list as well.
Why is something so simple so transformative in building confidence?
I believe, looking back, that the reason tracking these everyday successes is so helpful is because nothing else was going to be able to help me grow individually or in my business, until I had some genuine personal confidence.
At that point in my life and business, it wouldn’t have mattered how many systems I had in place or strategies I was taught. Without having confidence in myself in the everyday things nothing else would work. When I wasn’t able to recognize and believe that I was already having success, I don’t think any amount of tactical knowledge would have mattered. Even though there are great training programs and limitless other tools to help businesses succeed, it wouldn’t have been able to impact me the way it was capable of because I would have held it back with my self-doubt.
But by starting to recognize and acknowledge success in my life, helped me see that I was making improvements in areas. I was doing things and accomplishing things both big and small. Tracking my daily successes was the first step that made it possible for me to take the next step and the next and the next.
Leadership Development and Confidence
Confidence is important in every area of life. If you want to be a better leader, you’ll need to develop healthy confidence. If you want your employees to do their best work, help them develop healthy confidence. The concept works.
SPEARity coaches are able to partner with you and your organization through services like assessments, leadership development, and training. We’re all about talent development and helping you learn to overcome the obstacles to your success. For many people, the first step is confidence. If you want to learn more, schedule a call today.